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  Short Bar Jokes  

A woman collared her husband as he stumbled through the door. "What's the big idea coming home half drunk?"
      "Sorry, honey. I ran out of money."

      Two fonts walked into a bar. The bartender said: "Sorry, we don't want your type in here."

      A man walked into a bar with a strip of tarmac under his arm.
      "What'll you have?" asked the bartender.
      The man said: "I'll have a beer, and one for the road."

      A termite walked into a pub and asked: "Is the bar tender here?"

      Did you hear about the bailiff who moonlighted as a bartender? - He served subpoena coladas.

      A pork pie walked into a bar. The barman said: "Sorry, we don't serve food in here."

      A vicar, a priest and a rabbi walked into a pub. The bartender said: "Is this some kind of a joke?

      A skeleton walked into a bar and said: "I'd like a beer and a mop..."

      A drunk fell into one of the fountains in Trafalgar Square. As he splashed around aimlessly, he looked up and saw Nelson standing on his column.
      "Don't jump!" yelled the drunk. "This is the shallow end!"

      A wife was still in a foul mood the morning after the party. She told her husband crossly: "You certainly made a fool of yourself last night. I just hope nobody realised you were sober. "

      Two drunks were sitting at a bar. One said: "What's this thing they call a Breathalyser?"
      The other said: "It's a bag that can tell how much you think."
      "Oh," said the first. "I married one of those things years ago!"

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