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  Benefits of Being a Woman  

We got off the Titanic first.
      We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
      Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
      We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
      We can cry and get off speeding fines.
      We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
      Taxis stop for us.
      Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
      We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
      Free drinks, free dinners.
      We can hug our friends without wondering if they're gay.
      We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
      New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
      It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
      If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
      We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her butt.
      If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
      We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
      If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
      We have the ability to dress ourselves.
      If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
      There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
      We'll never regret piercing our ears.
      We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
      We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.

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