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  Ten Things It Took Me 50 Years To Learn  

      10. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
      9. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
      8. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
      7. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
      6. Never lick a steak knife.
      5. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
      4. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
      3. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-savings time.
      3. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggest you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
      1. Your friends love you, anyway.

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