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  Things to Say at a Job Interview  

      - See photo of interviewer's family on desk, point, start laughing uncontrollably.
      - Ask if there is only one emergency exit, grin and say; 'Boy!, I bet this floor would be in trouble if someone barricaded that.'
      - Constantly fidget with underwear waistband, then blurt: 'The strawberry ones are the stickiest, don't ya' think?'
      - After detailing your greatest achievement, qualify with, 'Of course I was totally hammered at the time.'
      - Inquire on office policy of friends staying over.
      - Claim you wouldn't even need a sit-in job if Al Einstein hadn't stolen your secret patent for '2000 Flushes'.
      - Over-emphasize your ability to use a copier.
      - Ask if it's O.K. that you sit on the floor.
      - Allow that you would little impact on the overhead budget, because you swiped all the supplies from your other job.
      - Although parking was free, insist that they validate something or you're not leaving.
      - Mention your resume would have been stronger, but you didn't feel like making anything else up.
      - Ask the secretary if she'll sit on your lap during the interview.
      - Walk into interviewer's office with a tape measure, measure office from a few angles, put away, declare; 'NOW we can begin.'
      - When making small talk and the Simpson trial comes up, shout: You mean Homer and Marge are in some kind of trouble?'
      - Sniff two of your fingers hold out toward interviewer, ask; 'smell these, these smell funny to you???'
      - Upon walking in to the office for first time, ask receptionist to hold all your calls.

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