The Day After Christmas - Christmas Jokes

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Category: Funny Christmas Jokes
       Clean jokes, funny jokes, free jokes, and clean Christmas jokes and humor about Christmas, Santa Claus, the three wise men, and more.
The Day After Christmas
was the day after Christmas, and all through the house
      Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
      The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste
      At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
      When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
      When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).

      I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
      The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
      The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
      And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."
      As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
      And prepared once again to do battle with dirt---
      I said to myself, as only I can "
      You can't spend a winter disguised as a man! "

      So--away with the last of the sour cream dip,
      Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chips
      Every last bit of food that I like must be banished "
      Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
      I won't have a cookie--not even a lick.
      I'll want to chew only on a long celery stick.

      I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
      I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
      I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore---
      But isn't that what January is for?
      Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
      Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet! "

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