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  The Day After Christmas  

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house
      Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
      The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste
      At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
      When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
      When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
      I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
      The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
      The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
      And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."
      As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
      And prepared once again to do battle with dirt---
      I said to myself, as only I can "
      You can't spend a winter disguised as a man! "
      So--away with the last of the sour cream dip,
      Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chips
      Every last bit of food that I like must be banished "
      Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
      I won't have a cookie--not even a lick.
      I'll want to chew only on a long celery stick.
      I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
      I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
      I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore---
      But isn't that what January is for?
      Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
      Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet! "

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